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Ep126: How To Stop Blaming Yourself For Everything with Ryan O’Connor

It’s great to take responsibility for things but asking leading questions that place the blame on you, like “Did I upset you?”, lie more in the realm of victimhood than enlightenment.

Allowing people to have their say and vent their frustrations with taking it onboard yourself is a wonderful thing to be able to do, but be aware that you will have an emotional reaction to that, even if it’s delayed.

I’ve always admired personal development leaders who can listen to someone’s life history or upsets or the horrible things that have happened to them, without getting emotionally involved or reacting in any way. Just having the ability to hear someone’s story without taking the emotions on is incredibly freeing for person sharing and listening to people is a gift I like to give…

…partly because it can be quite a rare thing and I like to be different/special/extraordinary! 🤣

So I create a space for people to fully share and express themselves. Which is fine. Until my brain gets involved a few hours later and starts to say things like, “You should have said this when that person said that. You’re a door mat. You let them walk all over you. How dare they do something like that? You should be getting them on the phone and telling them exactly how it is”.

Obviously, I still have a lot to learn because I take my brain seriously a lot of the time and I probably should know better.

There’s a fine line between feeling like you’re being a door mat and allowing both yourself and other people to fully express themselves and not making it mean anything.

“There’s a saying that everyone has three masks. The first is the mask that you present to complete strangers, the second is the mask that you are to people who you’re closest to. The last mask is the one you wear for yourself. There is never a time when you don’t wear a mask.”

Menopause, Marriage and Motherhood

About Today’s Guest Ryan O’Connor

Award Winning Actor, Director and Playwrite

Co-founder and executive director of Someone New Theatre Company, the winner of the 2019 Grace Marion Wilson Trust Award for Playwriting, and an acclaimed actor and director throughout NSW and Victoria

Ryan J O’Connor is a Geelong-based writer of original, alternative plays and prose.

He also has a thriving business that creates Dungeons and Dragons maps and characters.

He is also an excellent baker, a trained stage-combatist, a terrible gardener, and a moderately talented poker player.

He does his best writing while trying to avoid his responsibilities, but loves to tell ‘alternative’ stories: romantic comedies about Death, coming-of-age stories about old men, and science-fiction tales about mythological creatures, just to name a few.

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